Breaking the Cycle of Obedience
It occurred to me recently that I’ve been breaking out of this cycle of blind obedience my entire life, and yet I feel more obedient now than ever before in my faith journey. The truth is that I’ve been learning to obey the guidance of my spirit team and my intuition over the guidance of other people. As children, many of us have been taught to obey the external authority of adults in our lives rather than learning to obey the call of Spirit or our intuition, which is our direct connection to the Divine. Societally, we’ve been teaching our children to obey adults unconditionally as a pattern for many generations, and that structure can have many unintended, dangerous outcomes that are seen and unseen. This mentality can lead a person to grow up without developing a sense of self or trust in one’s own instincts and inner wisdom. We don’t just grow out of this mindset of obedience without question naturally as we age. It takes years of intentional healing work to overcome limiting beliefs and mindsets. In order to break free once and for all, we must learn how to listen to our hearts and bodily cues to ensure our long-term wellbeing.
I was raised under a common belief system that it was more important to be obedient than to learn to follow my intuition and my body’s cues. I was taught that it was essential to defer to the opinions of adults in my life rather than learning to rely on the call of my heart, my own understanding of existence, and my own needs. One personal example that illustrates this point is regarding diet restrictions. As a child, I was obsessed with salt, and I often craved it for many days in a row. I didn’t know it back then, but I was experiencing symptoms related to my undiagnosed POTS. I remember a time when my grandma told me that I needed to watch my salt intake because she thought I was putting too much on my sliced tomatoes. I argued that I was craving the salt and that I needed it. Internally, I could feel my body was screaming at me to increase my intake, but I didn’t have the ability to understand or articulate this in childhood.
My grandpa was frustrated that I wasn’t being obedient to my grandma, so he interjected and insisted that I listen to her because she knew what was best for me and my body. I can now understand that I was right to trust my body all along, and that I was the only person who could tell something was wrong. This condition, POTS, causes severe symptoms whenever I’m depleted in salt, and I can easily pass out while exerting myself if I’m not consuming enough sodium. It’s recommended to drink salt water or electrolytes on a daily basis to maintain balanced levels when you have this condition. This example illustrates why we must begin collectively teaching our children to learn to listen to their bodily cues and their intuition at a young age. Once we’re teaching them to listen to themselves, we must also be open to two-sided communication with them to make sure that we’re listening to understand rather than responding based on snap judgments that are largely uninformed.
We must realize that even as adults, we don’t know everything about everything. Our opinions, even the educated ones, are not facts that can be applied to everyone and all situations. We don’t always know what a child needs more than they do, and listening to their complaints and concerns is necessary for their well-being. The authoritarian parenting style says that parents must always be in control and assert their opinions over children because they haven’t reached a level of maturity and understanding to make decisions for themselves. I would argue that we must learn to listen to children and teach them to tap into their innate wisdom and understanding of their own bodies in order to understand what they actually need. We must gently guide with the intention to hear them when they need help and realize that it’s our responsibility to decipher their needs diligently through communication and shared understanding.
Children absolutely need guidance, support, and protection, but they are not helpless or ignorant regarding their needs. An obedient child might be easier to raise, but they will likely grow into an obedient adult, which is not in alignment with thriving in the long-term. Raising children who listen to their bodies and ask meaningful questions lays the groundwork for adults who can think critically and care for themselves completely. Treating your children like tiny humans who are growing toward that goal every day requires a different mindset and more work and inconveniences along the way, but it leads to independent adults who are capable and aware of themselves.
If you resonate with breaking free of this mindset, I would challenge you to notice when you’re repeating this cycle by choosing to obey the opinions of others above your own intuition. It’s safe to think for yourself and to tap in with your body to understand your needs. You need this information in order to make decisions that are in your best interest. Nobody knows you better than you know yourself, and you’re the one who knows what you truly need on any given day. You get to choose when to ask for advice and who to call when you need assistance, and once you receive that advice you get to decide to take it or leave it. Empower yourself and realize that you have helpful guidance and loving support all around you from your spirit team. You’re not in this alone, but you’re capable of choosing your own path and deciding how many steps you’ll take each day.