Dropping the Mask
In a world that prizes fitting in and going with the flow to suit the comfort of those around you, it’s a bold choice to live authentically and refuse to wear the masks that society encourages us to put on in order to blend in with the crowd. Many of us have been masking our true selves and emotions for the majority of our lives in order to feel safe in social settings. This habit of hiding behind a layer of falseness can be incredibly exhausting for highly sensitive people, and it is ultimately unsustainable. Repeatedly projecting an emotion that you’re not actually experiencing can lead to a variety of negative outcomes mentally, emotionally, and physically because you first have to hide any trace of the real emotions you’re feeling. This invisible labor takes a toll on you over time because it requires a lot of effort to hide your true self and perform a false version at the same time. Masking itself is a difficult feat, but that’s just one facet of any given social interaction.
It feels like masking is necessary to fit in with others, and in order to do this effectively, you must also determine what others want from you in any given interaction. This level of perception and guess work is extremely challenging because it requires a high level of improvisation to mask successfully. You must figure out what the other person or group of people expects of you in real time, and you have to execute your response quickly to keep up with the conversation. Many highly sensitive people struggle with masking in childhood, and must work hard to adapt through social conditioning in order to be accepted by their peers and the adults in their lives. At some point, your authentic expression is stamped out completely and you find yourself running a set of scripts that feel empty and meaningless in order to navigate social situations.
Once you’ve been assimilated into this false culture of saying what makes other people comfortable, your true self shrinks, and you begin to feel desperate for true connection. This can result in many adverse physical and mental consequences because your body becomes bogged down with negative emotions that you’ve been unable to express. Over time, this can lead to burnout that makes it impossible to function in society. Oftentimes, highly sensitive people who mask often struggle with crippling anxiety that worsens when they are required to spend a lot of time interacting with others. At some point, this anxiety becomes so overwhelming that it leads to feelings of hopelessness and depression. That is because masking our emotions is counterproductive to our natural existence.
We are meant to live and breathe our truth and express it constantly as if our emotions are being exhaled from our bodies fluidly in each moment. This practice requires a lot of tact and patience in order to deliver our authentic expression without harming others, and that is why emotional regulation and communication skills are also necessary to learn. It is possible to articulate your true feelings without lashing out at others from a painful place. We must find balance within ourselves and reach a level of emotional maturity to do this well. This is what we would ideally be learning through our early childhood interactions in an emotionally healthy society. Instead, we are systematically pressured into being less of ourselves and more of what people want us to be. If you resonate with this message, and you’re looking for a way back to yourself after many years of masking for survival, I want you to know that you’re not alone.
There are many people on this journey who are reclaiming themselves and choosing to finally live out loud. You might lose friends once you start being authentic, but I assure you that those people aren’t your true friends. Your loved ones might be confused at first when you drop the mask and show them your true face as well, and that might be intimidating to your emerging self. However, I promise you it will be worth it to continue this work. You must learn to put your own wellbeing first. Your body, mind, and spirit are screaming for you to be honest with yourself and the rest of the world. You deserve to feel at ease in your unique identity, and there’s no prize for setting yourself on fire to keep others warm. Keep going and know that you will find people who appreciate the real you. The messy version of yourself is worth knowing and expressing. Perfection is a lie and fitting in is an illusion. There’s only one true you, and the world needs you just as you are.